I'm Scared

*first written & posted 7/4/2010, a period of time when I felt God "really" using my blog writings.  I can still feel that power from 2010.  It was so scary!  I'm not sure I felt prepared for the responses or the way God was using me as His vessel.  Somehow, I do not feel God using me as much today as He did back then.  Maybe He is using my writings and I just do not know the impact as much.  Maybe He knows I cannot handle the responses.  It is huge for me to read this again today as I consider saying "yes" or "no" to tasks at hand, to how to best spend my time, to blog or not to blog.  The key is making God my priority with my 24/7.  The key is discernment and to pray for God to give me discernment for those things I should say "yes" to and those things I should say "no" to.  My value is not in what I accomplish, but rather what God has already accomplished.  I believe God knows what He is doing and, as I still struggle with whether to blog or use my time otherwise, even today, I know whatever happens, God will accomplish His purpose regardless of me.

****

I confess.

Yep.

After my last blog post entitled "I confess," I became scared.

Scared of what, you ask?

Scared.

It generated such a HUGE response that it scared me.

All the blog comments and all the private e-mails and all the PM's scared me.

In fact, week's later, I'm still getting responses trickling in.

That one single blog post effected more people.

Some people were thankful for it because it helped them.

Some people identified with it and related to it as if they were me.

Some people felt a need to help me and tell me what to do with my life.

Regardless, some people were changed by it.

That is scary.

Really scary to me.

I've avoided blogging about it again, I confess, because I'm scared.

I feel as if God is using me. He is using my typewritten word to make a difference in other's lives.

But what if I make the wrong difference?

What if I don't say what needs to be said as God's plan.

What if. . .

Just

What if I goof.

I'm scared.

What if I'm not sharing God's Word as it should be. What if I'm interpreting it wrong. What if I'm guiding wrong. What if I'm just wrong. What if I've lead people astray.

Why should I write again if I've failed.

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12

Yes, there are many witnesses here. It's scary that so many read every word I type.

And isn't it ironic that a fight can be "good.?"



I am saying Yes, Lord.

Amen.

I do appreciate all the feedback, Lord, to my blog posts, but seriously, hearing all the problems of others makes me realize my problems are not so great. My sorrows and struggles are equally and greater matched to others that read my blog, so why do I write to share?

Trading. It's such a big word. I've got this baggage, Lord. But everyone has there baggage. Would I trade my baggage for someone else's, even though I don't know what is "behind door number one?"

The cooler thing is Lord, that I can always trade them with You as your yoke is light. You promised me! Yes, Lord.

Here. Lord. Have my baggage. I'm trading it in.

Wow! What do I get for my trade? Joy! Seriously? You can take my negative baggage and you give me back positive boxes of gifts?

Well, who wouldn't take that!

Thank you, Lord!

I'm scared, Lord. You seem to have called me to write about my faith.

I'm not qualified. And yet I can give you my scared feelings and you will trade them in for joy. Wow.

Be bold, you say.

I'm trying, I say.

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