July 23 . . . a Wednesday
I started a layout before work. I did not get too far.
I got on the scale this morning and it went up about a pound from yesterday. It totally deflated me. I'm asking why. Why did I do all that extra work in getting steps and running and working out so hard just for my hubby to give me a can of chips and my weight to go up instead. I begin to get infuriated, mostly at life in general, but also angry with hubby. I texted him to let him know of the weight gain. 99% of the time he never admits he is guilty or to blame, but this time, he knows he cannot deny it, and admits his fault. He's in the doghouse and is going to have to dig himself out! He apologized, but I was so angry I didn't want to hear it. Of course, I'll forgive him, but not until some time passes and my madness subsides. I'm so mean to him. I feel like giving up on the weight journey. I'll never win, especially without support. What does it really matter anyway, I think? Something else unrelated to weight is going to get me anyway. Even healthy people get cancer and unhealthy people live long lives. Isn't it more about the genes anyway?
At lunch time I took a walk. My basil plant shows signs of growth for the first time. Hmmmm. Now what do I do with it?
The Tall Phlox is looking beautiful. I like this plant a lot. I need to dig and spread it.
This super tall plant is blooming, but the recent rains have knocked it over. I think there are four or five blooms. I should get a stick and prop them up, but I'm too lazy. The Black Eye-Susans are in full bloom too in huge bunches. But they only look pretty close up.
I finished my layout during lunch and uploaded it and put it on the blog, etc.
We got some horrible news when I got back from lunch. It was odd. They did not send out an email, but quietly came to everyone's desk to tell us to meet in the break room. There were a lot of inquisitive faces. We learned our co-worker has a massive tumor in her brain and is being rushed to the hospital in St. Louis for surgery. She has lost her short term memory and has been running into things and generally being out of sorts for about a week now. They thought it might be a medication she was on, but an MRI determined the real cause. I'm stunned. We are all stunned. Tears are flowing. We said a prayer together. It is nice to be at a place of employment where we can pray together.
So back to the weight thing. Why? She is a beautiful woman inside and out, one of those women you let those little envious thoughts slip in and then disregard and throw them out. If only I had her body and fitness, and then her fitness has no impact on the troubles that come. So why should I stress so much about my weight as long as I am active and eating well? Should I go back to my old ways? I've always thought the stress of trying to loose weight is almost as harmful as the weight itself. My right and left shoulders are arguing with themselves today.
Hubby got into a silly streak. He went to get on his swimming trunks so he could "swim in the rain!" I took a video of him being silly and put it on Facebook. This is what you get when you open a crackerjack, you know what I mean. One of these days he's going to grow up, but today is not that day. Swimming in the rain. We were laughing and having a great 'ol time bouncing off each other in phrases. It reminds me of why I married this man as we do go together in such an odd way. Often I would join him in dancing in the rain, but I am enjoying the swing a bit too much today.
Of course, my anger from the morning was long gone.
Then there was the (for pay) cleaning job.
Thereafter, we a light dinner and sat down to watch So You Think You Can Dance.
At about 8:30, I began to feel a bit off. Something was wrong. I was feeling nauseated and dizzy. Was it something I ate? I had the cucumbers and onions earlier, some walnuts and a hard boiled egg to snack earlier, and some open faced mini sandwiches with turkey and cheese. I cannot imagine what it might be.
I raised my goal of steps to 6,500. I had just over 6,000 and had to run in place a few minutes, even though I didn't feel like it. Ack! Why did I raise it?