I'm in a Funk

I sent this via the newsletter through Mailchimp this morning, but for those who do not get the newsletter, I am copying it here.

I paused the daily email with links to my blog.  Why?  I'm in a funk.

The "back to school" time of year has hit and hubby's schedule has gone back and I have my evenings to myself, so this means I should be able to get out more new content.

I cannot make myself.  Why?  Because my website that I worked all these years to build is dead and I am mourning the loss.  All those years of hard work down the drain.  Yes, a few still visit and are active and I appreciate those folks for hanging on, but what was is gone.

I get these thoughts about how I spent so much time caring about people and trying to build relationships just to see that they did not care back and moved on.  Was that a mistake for me to do with my time?  I feel used.  I feel as if the majority of people just were around because "everyone needs someone to care and listen" and when I didn't fill that need for them anymore, they moved on.  

I get thoughts of feeling some people just visit me to get me to see what they are doing or to get me to comment back, not really participating at the site.

I get these thoughts about how it seems so many people would get offended at one small thing I would say or a change I would make that they did not like and then move on, just tossing me away like a piece of trash.  Maybe I was better off not investing all my time because it just leads to people rejecting me and my soul cannot take that.  I struggle with it all the time.  I know I should only care what God thinks and to please Him, but just as every human does, we all have our hangups.

I go in these waves where I feel depressed and sad, wondering what I should do with my time.  I even have thoughts of just deleting it all off the web.  It wouldn't take much to just make all 740 or so Youtube videos private, or unlisted.  The same with my blog and website pages.  

Is there something else God wants me to do with my time?  I just don't know.  I just don't have the answer yet from God.  I yearn for the answer.  So far, all I get is "wait."  It's been "wait" for years now.  I have trouble discerning whether my thoughts are from God or otherwise.  Is it the devil wanting me off the internet because of the good it has done?  Or is it God who is trying to lead me down a different path?

I get these thoughts that if people really wanted to hang around with me on my website, they would be there regardless if I am reminding them via automated emails or posting on Facebook, Twitter, and Google.  Why do I have to spend so much time driving people to visit me by reminding them?  If they really liked me and wanted to read what I had to say and use my tutorials and do my challenges, they would be there without me having to work hard to get them there.  Why do I spend so much of my time in this?  Is it a waste?

I see the numbers on Mailchimp of how many people have not even opened the last 50 emails sent.  That certainly tells me something and stings a little bit when I read through the names.

So for now, I have paused the automated emails and thought every now and then I would send an email typed directly to you when I have something special to say.

Today, I want to point out that I have put up Template 105 yesterday.

I may try to do the Flickr photography challenges and invite you to join me.

I want to remind you that if you do a layout for any challenge at Hummie's World or any class lesson, you can upload it and link it to the "chatter and layouts" linky.  On this same post that is monthly, if you comment once and click the box to receive email alerts of new conversation, you will get emails to remind you to come back and chat.  There is a link to this on the labels on the left of the blog.

To find what is new, remember to click on the News/Challenges label.

Remember, all the classes and challenges are still there begging for people to use them.  On the main page of the site, look in the sidebar to find all the class guides.  Request your own class guide so you can check off what lessons you have done and I can watch your progress.  Post your lessons on the linky and visit it to see what others are doing so we can comment on each other's work and encourage each other.

If you still want alerts of new things on my blog, be sure to use Feedly.  I use it all the time to read stuff on other blogs and sites that I want to keep up with.  My feed is still full and active.

Maybe I will get out of this funk and get to doing new content again.  Maybe I won't make it out of it this time.  Only time will tell.

Please do not email me in private.  If you want to chat, do it on the blog.  This is a community.  Or at least I tried to make it a community but am nothing but a complete failure at that.

Thanks for reading.


Shayna said…
Hummie, you are not the only one in a funk...I'm in one also. It's been such a difficult few years...especially this year....that I often hit delete without ever reading the mail :( I wish I had words of advice for you but I'm just taking it one day at a time and home it gets better. I refuse to give up or give in to what is happening in my life and the "friends" who have decided that because of my health I can't be relied on make plans in advance or even on the same morning because I never know how I will feel that evening. I feel blessed that my husband, siblings, children and grandchildren understand. My brother has asked me what I could have done to offended G-d so much. I prefer to think that if one of us had to have multiple sclerosis and breast cancer it's much better to be me than one of my siblings. I am not as physically strong as they but I am emotionally stronger. I just need more time to recover from breast cancer and then I know I'll be back to "normal"...whatever normal is for me.

Hummie, I have no idea why I opened this email when I hit delete on so many others this morning. But, you are not alone in trying to decide what to do with your future. It is sad when things change in our lives. It's very sad when people we thought were friends leave us. These people were placed in our lives for a season or a reason. So few take the voyage with us for a lifetime. When my friends leave I try to understand what I learned from the friendship.

But, we are never alone. I really do believe that when one door closes another opens. I'm trying to decide what the next chapter of my life will hold and which directions I will go.

I wish you the best, Hummie!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tara D said…
It makes my heart hurt that you are struggling right now and I feel so inadequate when it comes to trying to find just the right words of comfort. I will just leave you with 3 bible verses that I turn to regularly when I am in difficulty:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4

. . . we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15;58

Even though I do not know you personally, I really value how you put yourself out there and are always so ready to help anyone. You are in my prayers that this time of struggle will bring a healing and joy and a passion that is renewed and invigorated beyond all imagining :)

Big, Big HUGS to you!

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