Nov 26 . . .a Thursday

I started this Thanksgiving Day off by waiting at 4 a.m.  Sigh.  I can never sleep in.  Being a guest in a house and up that early is even more difficult.  I got up and in the dark managed to plug in my laptop and turn it on in the dining room.  I decided on a whim to start making some margin strips to go with the verses in the SamePage: Journey book to give away.  I was stuck on what I could do with no internet.  I cannot believe they do not have internet, but then again, I can believe it.

I remember looking at the phone app and see I had another hour and a half before the first light and that was after I had sat there a while working.  I was thankful for the quiet.

After the rest of the house woke up, I continued to work on the laptop so as to avoid confrontation and keep the peace. I have such difficulties with my hubby's twin.  He does not like me and it is very evident.  He hadn't said a word much to me since I came, not even to welcome me in the door.  I could hear their conversations in the kitchen from the dining room and even when hubby said something about me, he was negative in his reply indicating it could not be so about me.

I received this photo of the dogs from our neighbor and was happy to see them.  I miss them.  I went to the kitchen to show hubby.

My sister-in-law was busy rolling out pie dough.  We had hours to spend before we left.  I tried to join in some conversation again, being positive in what I said purposefully, but every thing out of my mouth, my brother-in-law replied with a negative.  I could say apples and he would say oranges and I could say oranges and he would say apples.  It gets so old being judged by him and knocked down by him.  I kept telling hubby that I should not have even come before we came and it is evident as I am having to work really hard to keep the peace.  I ended up just walking away and going back to the dining room table to work in private to keep the peace, rather than stirring up argument as a response to his negativity.  I was thankful for places to sit.

After we took showers, hubby and I decided to go for a walk.  His back was really hurting him from the long drive and he needed to stretch it by walking.  We walked over to the pond with the trail in the subdivision.  I spotted a dandelion and had to take a photo!  Seriously, we only see these in the Spring in Missouri!  It felt like an oxymoron.

We sat down at a bench and this was our view and we could barely see the fowl on the water, but could hear them splash from time to time.

We prayed together out loud for a while.  I had a prayer book open on my phone to help us pray for his sister who has terminal cancer and it is hard to know how to pray, and this really helped us and spurred on many more prayers.  We also prayed for peace within the family, most particularly between me and his brother.  We actually prayed a lot of stuff and it was a sweet time, including prayers of thanks on this Thanksgiving Day.

This is another view as we prayed.  We laughed after our prayers that the mound of dirt looked like dinosaur poop under the tree which brought on a lot of other laughter at our imaginative comments.

A little before noon we began driving to hubby's sister's in-laws house where we were invited for Thanksgiving.  It took us about an hour to drive there and we followed hubby's twin and the idea was to avoid the toll roads, but he took us in such an excursion way out of the way that we could not figure out why he was driving that way.  

It was a beautiful large home with fabulous two story windows overlooking a wooded area.  There was this fabulous pool with a fountain in it too, but I did not take a photo of it.  There was so much food it was amazing!  I think they were expecting about 30 people and we gathered for prayer before the meal in the living room and it was a big huge circle holding hands that I really wish I had been able to be above it taking a photo.
They had tables set up all over the place and we choose this one.  it was so nice!

Here is my plate full of more food than my stomach can handle!  I hadn't eaten in 24 hours on purpose and I was starving, but not after this plate of food!
There is the hubby eating his meal!

Brad made this delectable cream cheese cake and it was beyond indescribably good.  The cake was not too sweet and it was light and the cream cheese part was ....well.... it was indescribably awesome! 

We played a trivia game as a family gathering after dinner and hubby won three trinkets!  He should have let someone else win, but that's not in his nature.  Sigh.  I will enjoy our trinkets though!

We decided to travel on our own back to hubby's twin's house.  We were excited to see our nephew and his wife and baby.  The whole immediate family was to join us for the evening.  I tried to take a photo of the three men snacking, but hubby's brother took off to avoid the camera.  He's so worked up about not being seen online, thinking I post photos of the family all the time, they he won't hardly let me take photos.  I've always been careful not to post photos of family online before, but as I write this the next Monday, I am feeling bitter and ready to say foo'hey on them and to just start being myself.  So here's the photo of him walking away.

We really enjoyed our time with our new great-niece Hanah!  It was such a blessing to get to hold her and enjoy her cuteness.  Of course, I had to ignore my brother-in-law standing over me like I was going to harm the baby or something while I held her.  He keeps tugging at my patience level.  At one point while the family was talking, I opened my mouth to speak (as I was trying hard not to talk and just be in the background) and he cut me off, went on and on about how I was wrong, as if I say apple, he says orange, and totally embarrassed me.  So I just did not say anything.  Later in the evening I was able to get out a few sentences without him jumping on me when I was talking to someone else, but that was a rare occasion.

Here is hubby enjoying his great-niece!

This was a hard moment for me... and the new life being held by the life soon to depart to heaven.  In with the new, out with the old, not easy to take.

We took some sibling photo shots.  They are already missing one and soon to be missing one more.  My cell phone took better photos than my big camera in the indoor lighting.
I'm so proud of our nephew.  He is such a great Dad!  His wife is looking on and I thought it was a sweet photo.

Isn't she adorable?!!

After everyone had left, it was just the four of us sitting in the living room.  Once again, hubby's twin started contradicting every half sentence I would get out of my mouth.  I did manage to get out one full sentence at one point, but most were half sentences.  He managed to get himself so worked up he began yelling at me, looking me in the eye, literally, yelling at me, about his point of view on a topic I had no idea how we got onto, about whether or not to open the borders to Syrians. He had such hatred towards Muslims and toward our President and I was dumbfounded.  I never did get out my point as I could not find the words as he had me so frazzled.  He yelled himself into an anxiety attack and was struggling to breath.  He had his wife bring him a glass of water.

I turned to my phone in hopes he would calm down, and he did, but then without me saying a word, he started up again.  I decided to go to the bedroom.  Suddenly, a light bulb moment hit my head and I knew I could not stay there anymore.  How would I feel if his anxiety attacks led to a heart attack or something serious?  My mere presence provokes this in him.  I began taking my stuff to the door and hubby joined me.  I had tried.  I had tried to keep my mouth shut, to be quiet, to keep the peace, to not reply to his rantings and negativity, but I just could not do it anymore.

As we were leaving, she came to the door and said we didn't need to do this, to which I let out some frustration declaring how he must innately hate me from the bottom of his heart to treat me in such a way.  I am confident he does hate me and he just does not realize it, otherwise he would not treat me this way.  I cannot believe he is a Christian and treats me this way.  I cannot believe he has so much hatred for so many in his heart.  This is just not at all what is in my heart.

We went to a hotel, which was a bit of a drive in itself, and it was a nice room.  I laid in the bed crying and reflecting how how nice he treated everyone else in the room and how different he treated me and I cried some more.  What have I ever done for him to hate me so much.  He of course denies hating me, but actions and what comes from the heart speaks so much louder than refutation.  We laid awake wondering what tomorrow would bring and where we would stay and how we would tell or not tell others.

I was exhausted and I was done.





Comments

Tammy said…
So sorry for the hurt. Your great niece is adorable!!

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