Dec 25 . . . a Friday

I started the day off well praising God in prayer and reflecting on His birth, getting the devotion out by email.  I was in a good mood.  I took a shower and made an egg casserole and we had a nice breakfast together.
Then around 10 a.m. we sat at the table and began calling and texting people. We talked via speaker phone over an hour to my brother.  I was glad for that time together, although I think it was the start of my downhill afternoon too.  His talking about certain things regarding our mom brought thoughts to my head that were sensitive.  Not that there was anything wrong in him sharing his thoughts with me/us, it is me who is not healed that is sensitive.  

I ended up posting on Facebook a half positive/half negative post.  It is really hard to look on Facebook on Christmas Day and see all the family group photos when I have no family at all on Christmas Day.  I shouldn't feel bad about sharing how I feel as I don't think others realize how their positive posts can only reinforce someone else's negative posts.  It's a lesson for myself to learn.  I do try to be positive in what I post and feel I am about 95% of the time, but then there are those moments when I should just not be on Facebook and when I want to shout out how much I am hurting.  Back off from the computer and all devises in those moments!  I should listen to my own head.  Alas, I did not.  

Hubby and I sat across the table from each other commenting on my own post trying to make fun and turn the sad into better to get out of the rut I was going down toward depression.  We ate the green m & m's as we wallowed in them, taking photos of them as they disappeared and making jokes in the comments.  Yeah, we are silly like that.  What else were we to do sitting at our table by ourselves?  Hubby didn't want to do anything and I wanted to do something.  He thought because it was Christmas we should do nothing but relax, but I just don't have that "empty box" like he does where I can sit and do nothing.  I had a need to be busy doing something to distract me from my loneliness.  I tried hard to do as he wanted, but it only allowed me time to wallow in self-pity and cry.

We gave the girls their Christmas gifts.  I intended the bone to be part of the annual photo shoot, but I forgot I had bought it.  The other tug toy was only .50 cents.

The bone toy had the crinkly insides that they just love and they took off with it both running around the house holding onto it and it was cracking me up!  The paced into the kitchen and back.  I needed a smile.

Ria always tries to bring the toys to me to play and Tizzy always tries to keep them away from me.  They are so cute.
Tizzy seemed more interested in the tug rope and played with it first, but Ria got her attention with the bone toy that took over.  Crinkle always does it!
Yep, their fav is crinkle!
I was sitting at the table while hubby was in the shower as I was crying and Ria brought me the bone inviting me to play.  It really cracked me up!  She just stood there posing for the longest time.  I guess because she knew she was making me smile and laugh.
I couldn't have posed her like this if I had tried.  She did it on her own.  
I had tea while I was bored at the table and while we were calling and texting.  What kind of Christmas is this?  Seriously?

We did talk to hubby's sister too and she sounded weak and did not make sense at times and that really made us down for a bit too.  She is in a hospital bed at home now.

Um, yeah, down to 5 m & m's ... wallowing has to be finished soon.

We decided to put the shelf back up over the bed as the paint was dried from painting the walls yesterday.  I took a photo of this bell as I put it back and sent it to my friends.  Susan gave this to me in high school and it's so interesting I still remember who gave it to me.  I remember who gave me what of everything ... almost... I think my memory is getting worse and I'm beginning to forget, but it still comes back to me.

After I posted the sad message on Facebook, God used it for good.  Our youngest son began a conversation on messenger and we chatted for a long time and that went a long way to helping me feel better.  He's stuck alone in Omaha as he could not get home because he did not have enough days off.  We took a selfie to send to him.

Still hoping our middle son would be over after he slept.  He worked overnight and was sleeping during the day.  So we started on the green beans hubby wanted.

I used to do bacon this way all the time.  It is easier to take scissors and cut it up into small pieces than it is to try to break it into pieces later.  It's too hot later and it has to be allowed to cool before it hardens to get crisp.

I bought myself a new pot for Christmas as I've been wanting one for two years now.  I resisted several times, just as I have over the last two years, because of cost, and then finally just bought it.  I don't have a pot this big so if we every have company, I now have something to cook in.  It's cast iron so it will go in the oven for roasts or anything else to bake, as well as work for spaghetti or soups on the stove.

Green beans must be cooked down in the oven for hours to make the unhealthy!  Anything that tastes good is unhealthy.  :)

We had bought some toppings for ice cream and so we put them on a plate to make it seem fun.  Wishing things came in smaller packages as we cannot eat all this.  Or we had more people to eat it with.

I bought some cranberries and rosemary to put in our drinks just to make them feel fun and Christmasy.  A few in a bowl was fun too.

Setting the table.  Yeah.  I have nothing else to do but take photos.

See, a little yogurt juice made to look fun!

A little better photo.  I was amazed how the berried did not try to make it to my mouth when I drank.  They just kept going towards the bottom of the glass until all the liquid was gone.  I wonder if it is because the yogurt juice is thick. 
All the food on the table.  Our son wanted a whole anjou pear.  I would have rather had one cut into slices and split up, but this is what he wanted, so it really made me extra full.
My plate. I'm happy that we had so much healthy stuff on our plates.

Then we played Catch Phrase for a while.
Then we played gestures for a while.  Here's hubby saying "one word."  We had a lot of fun together.  I was glad our son came over because it helped greatly to get through Christmas being with at least one other person.
Then we had our ice cream with toppings and our son had to leave for work.  He was with us about 3 hours.

I'm also just glad the day is over.  It seems Christmas is a day to just get through to get through the pain of rejection, knowing you have family gathering in various places and you are not invited hurts a lot.  Will it ever get easier?


Comments

Tammy said…
Merry Christmas. Glad you got together with your boy. :)
Maggie Adair said…
Ria has the biggest heart ever!

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