It Does Not Seem Real - My Brother Gone | My Granddaughter Here




Did you notice that I have not posted in the last week? It's been one of those weeks.

Here is the link to the KMOV news video.

In the video, you can see the hole in the back of the van in which my brother went through after his motorcycle hit the back of the van at 1:45 p.m. on Memorial Day, May 30, 2016. He broke his pelvis and several main arteries in his groin. A surgeon was passing by and stopped to help and stopped the bleeding. They thought he was going to make it. He was conscience and in much pain. At the ER the bleeding started again and they were not able to stop it, so he went into surgery where he passed away at 5:27 p.m. The police went to my brother's home and learned his son's name. They went to his son's house stayed there until he returned from work. As my nephew entered the hospital, his father passed away in surgery. I heard him say that his Dad waited until he got there.

I was close to my brother as we walked in the same shoes during our rough childhood and he was my verification and my confident and the only person in this world that really understood what it is to be “me.” There is a big hole now and in an odd way I feel very alone.

Life is complicated by a wife he has been separated from for many years who is demanding the house that is in her name, just hours after his death.

The first 24 hours I cried except from 4 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. I spent days going through old photos finding every photo I could of him because it helped me to mourn. Photos are just my thing and a part of me it seems. By Wednesday I had stopped crying and went to work to try to work as best I could. Thursday I missed worked to prepare a slideshow of photos and poster boards of photos, going to work from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. and continuing the project in the evening and the morning. The visitation was Friday and funeral was Saturday.


Jim was a daredevil and lived his life vicariously through his son, as he was growing up, in motor cross. He loved his Harley and riding.

He sure did live up to the attributes of the Rutledge name that are strong to be passed down. He was just like my Dad and my Grandpa.

I think of the name Rutledge as dark hair, dark skin, strong and muscular (yes it's odd, but I see meaty pudgy forearms), risk takers, brave, taking pain well, adventurers, handymen, mechanical, always first to have the latest technology, always ready to stop and help and offer assistance to others no matter how long it takes, doing one's best, giving it all one can give, and other attributes These things are in my bones and were in the bones of my brother. I will miss him greatly.

I shared the following stories on my Facebook.


I love you, brother. Wish I could have said good-bye.


Jim wanted this album and did not have enough money. So we bought it together for $2 at the grocery store in Fenton. That was a whole months allowance for both of us. Then he took it and kept it in his room as his own. At least six months later, I was crying because I had been punished. Jim took me to his room and gave me the album to comfort his little sister. His compassion for me more than made up for the time he tied me up playing cowboys and Indians and made me chase him from the backdoor to the basement door and around and around until my Dad saw it and untied me.

Every New Years Jim and I would stay home alone together. I spent many hours recording Kasey Kasem's top 100 and writing lists to track artists on the charts each week and that's how I spent many New Years Eve, alone in my bedroom recording. I broke this recorder's buttons and was crying because I was so afraid of being in trouble. Jim took me to the basement to Dad's workbench and fixed it for me, comforting me. He hit the record button while he was fixing it and I have that recording still today. Maybe I will find it tomorrow and see if it will play or if it isn't too faded. Jim could fix anything. He fixed this so well it never broke again and still works. He knew. And he saved me that day.



Meet Banana Bertha. That's what I named my first car. I share Banana Bertha with you to share a fond and amazing memory of my brother, the man who could fix anything, just like his Dad and his Grandpa Rutledge. One day I drove home from college for a holiday and my car was in need of repair. Jim said he would fix it. After a period of time, I came outside to where it was parked in the driveway of our house on Gladiator and there was Jim, standing in the middle under the hood where the engine goes, with engine parts spread all over in an organized manner the front yard. What a sight that was that I would never forget it! Of course, I had to get back to college that evening and Jim promised me I would be able to drive home. I was a little bit in disbelief, but sure enough, Jim kept his promise and I drove home that evening in a fixed car. He was just that kind of brother and guy, just like his Dad, willing to use his mechanical and handyman skills to help anyone when in need.


LIFE NEVER FAILS TO BE INTERESTING

The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21

On, June 4, 2016, while we were laying my brother to rest at the cemetery, my 3rd granddaughter came into this world, Violet Aviella Brennecke. Ahv-e-ella means "God is my Father" 8 lbs 20"

My heart did not know what to do.


AND

My youngest son has returned home from Omaha and we are working hard to get him settled and back on his feet, as well as helping our middle son get his house cleaned after the roommates have moved out, cutting up four trees and at least 20 stumps in his back yard to burn, and doing maintenance on his deck.








Comments

Brenda Seek said…
I know your faith will get you through this. You don't say what your brother believed, but I pray that he knew the Lord and is in a better place. Just a reminder of how quickly things can change in our lives and always be on the look-out for ways to serve the Lord. I will be praying for your family in the days to come. Your transparency in Cyber-space means that there are people all over the world grieving with you through this. Be encouraged. Don't be afraid to grieve openly like you love openly.
Cherbear said…
I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I know that I am much more aware of motorcycles now that I have ridden on one. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Maggie Adair said…
So sorry to hear this about your brother. May God comfort you and your family through this difficult time
Tammy said…
You have some really great memories, Cheryl. Many hugs!!

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