12. A Journey of Finding Myself
[Doodle by Tara at Doodle Through the Bible; download the free coloring page on her blog post. This devotion and doodles are our Christmas gift to you and we pray God bless you richly.]
I have gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, leave me here. If I never return, rejoice that I may have temporarily found myself. If I come back after I have been gone a while, send me on my way again. If I stay lost too long, please come find me, I may need help. If you find me and I’m not stuck and still moving, leave me be. If I’m stuck, then give me a yank and whirl me out into the world again. If I’m whirling about in a dizzy spiral, pull me in and wrap your arms around me. If I don’t get lost for a little while, I may never find myself. I have gone to find myself. This may take a very long time.
When I was young, I used to think that “finding myself” was only a journey that young adults took. However, the older I get, the more I see it is a lifelong journey. God is constantly teaching me about myself and guiding me. I find myself through life experiences. I find myself through emotional pains and emotional joys. Just when I think I know myself, I make a new self-discovery. Just when I think I know who I am, my identity changes. Just when I think I know what road to take, my life purpose evolves.
I can imagine that Mary, from the moment she was with child, to the moment of the birth of Jesus, to raising the one who would save the world, to letting her child go to teach the world, through his trial and his crucifixion, must have taken a long constantly changing journey of finding herself. “But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart” Luke 2:19.
As I find myself, I recognize my sins and feel bad about myself, but God knows this and His forgiveness fills my heart with love, and I tweak myself. “For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything” 1 John 3:20. How awesome that all the while I am trying to find myself, God already knows everything about me and I can lean on Him.